365 Days of Collected Wisdom

Process Not Outcome

2010-08-11T11:54:00.001+10:00

Wisdom No. 19

It is the process, not the outcome, that is most important.

I am still learning this one on a daily basis. My mind gets so easily caught up in the finished product, in where I want life to take me, or how I want things to turn out. If I was Astrologically inclined, I say it was my Capricorn nature that drives me to focus on the achievement end of things. Being goal oriented is fine! But if that's all we value then we risk missing the beauty of the moment and wishing away vast tracts of life. For example, we may never realise a particular dream or outcome. In fact,by the time we get there we might want something different anyway. Or perhaps life has just taken us on a different course.

All the growth, all the learning, all the joy, all the challenge - 99.9% of what there is to gain is in the process of getting there. If you just got there, say by winning lotto, or someone else buying you your dream car, or being given career breaks because of family connections, then you would certainly miss all the value of the journey and be left with that measly 0.1% - which I suspect would feel bitterly disappointing and hollow.

One of my loves is writing for example. Yet it is very easy for me to get caught up in, where will this writing take me, will I create a bestseller, will I be able to make a living from it, and when I think like this I reduce the very thing I love to that 0.1% and drain all the joy from it. When I manage to write, like I am now, from my pure passion for it, then I am invested in the process and enjoying the journey just as it is, unconditionally loving what's happening, and there is immediately more growth, joy - the payback is instant!!

Travel is a great metaphor for this same concept. When we are focused on the end of the journey, the process of getting there becomes tedious, and undoubtedly we will run into troubles, conflicts, challenges...The whole trip will be arduous. Whereas if we focus on the process, on each interaction as we go along our way, on the little moments, on our breathing, then I guarantee you your journey will be richer and more rewarding, even if you face the same challenges, run into obstacles, whatever....

Where in your life could you learn to invest in the process of getting somewhere, rather than in the destination itself?

The Meeting of Opposites

2010-08-10T20:13:00.002+10:00

Wisdom No. 18

Wholeness, if achievable at all, is only possible through the conscious meeting and reconciling of the opposites in our nature.

Fulfill Your Life's Purpose

2010-08-09T13:54:00.001+10:00

'Purpose is what gives life a meaning" Charles H Perkhurst

I have just completed a personal Mission Statement, as well as one for my business/career. My partner is doing the same, and then we will do a collective one for our family. I can highly recommend this process to everyone as a way to gain clarity and align your daily and yearly goals with your deepest values and principles.

A Mission Statement is something we are familiar with in organisations, and they are often poorly thought of by people. In short, Mission Statements have a bad name, not because they are pointless, but because they are rarely used effectively and consciously.

A Mission Statement for you as an individual is simply a brief sentence about your purpose on the planet. It should answer the questions: Why are you here? What is your core purpose? And what do you want to be remembered for when you are gone?

A good way to start is to do a mind map or just brainstorm on some paper all that comes to your mind when you read these questions. Take a few minutes to do it now.

Now you might want to put it aside for a while and as I say "let it compost" - then come back to it in a few days. When you come back to it, take the most powerful words and try to arrange them into one short and clear sentence about your life's purpose.

Once you have the Mission Statement down and feel satisfied, you can develop your vision and life goals. Your Vision is a statement about what you want to achieve. It is good to focus on at least 1-3 years, but looking even further into the future can be helpful and inspiring. Your vision statement must be big and bold and really inspiring.

Personally, I took a big sheet of white paper and wrote down the key roles in my life (partner family member, friend, community member, psychologist, artist etc) and then underneath each one wrote a list of things I most wanted to achieve in each role. I then put some rough timelines against each of the goals.

On a separate sheet, I drew a circle for each of the core 'pleasure' activities in my life (yoga, photography, writing etc) and then similarly wrote goals underneath each.

Finally, on a third sheet, I broke my work life down into interest areas and then jotted down some goals under each heading.

You might also want to write down your key values and principles. These are the core beliefs that are driving you towards your goals and they link directly to your Mission Statement.

Stephen Covey speaks about the value of taking yourself through this process regularly as part of his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Writing a personal mission statement is part of Habit 2, Begin with the End in Mind. He says this exercise focuses us on "what you want to be (character), and do (contributions and achievements) and on the values and principles upon which being and doing are based".

I have adapted Covey's activity somewhat, but the general principles is the same, and you would be well rewarded to visit his original text for a full review on this topic.

Wisdom No. 17

Get clear about your life purpose and find ways daily to bring it into being in who you are and what you do.

Now is the Season

2010-06-25T09:58:00.001+10:00

A few years ago I moved to the Northern Rivers in Northern NSW from Brisbane, which had been my home for over 10 years. One thing that has really struck me pleasantly is how noticeable are the seasons down here. Whereas places like Brisbane and Townsville, my home prior to Brisbane, really only have 2 seasons: the hot season and the wet season. Anyway, apart from enjoying having a real winter, and a true Autumn etc, I am keen to make a point about following the seasons in our daily life. It seems like common sense to dress warmly in Winter, and we are drawn to relaxing at the beach in Summer, while Spring takes us into the parks to gaze at the flowers and listen to the birds.

But have you considered that seasons apply in our lives in other ways. For instance, last year for me was a season of going slow, being very internal, working less than ever, long walks on the beach, and a great deal of solitude. This year my life has changed dramatically, and a season of abundance has sprung up all around me; it is stimulating, joyful, playful and much more related. I heard someone the other day talk of having a season of focusing on their inner life, and feeling the need to push relationships into the background for a while. And someone else I know is going through a season of lazy-slow down time. Once upon a time this person was a real over-achiever, but now they have stopped working almost completely, they feel compelled to lie around and read or go surfing and they seem to have lost all signs of ambition.

There are seasons to our lives as surely as there are seasons to nature, and to go against them doesn't make any sense. However, we often feel pressured by expectations and commitments that leave little room for the unfolding change of seasons. It can be hard to go with a season of doing nothing, when there is a mortgage to be paid down, or an internal critic to fend off. It can be challenging to withdraw from loved ones to spend the time relating deeply to one's inner world. Ourselves and others may try to make us feel guilty or strange for making such a choice. There may be pressure for things to remain consistent, there may be people relying on you.... Let's face it there are innumerable pressures and expectations which we inevitably give into while 'the season for whatever' quietly slips away!

Wisdom No 16

Allow yourself to notice and embrace the changing seasons of your inner and outer life. Allow expectations, pressures and criticisms to drop and trust in the wisdom of nature as it expresses itself through you. Allow the season to be, even if the reason for it cannot be fully determined. Time will demonstrate the wisdom of every season.

Perfectly Imperfect

2010-06-24T21:27:00.002+10:00

“In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful.”
Alice Walker, American Writer

My entire life, I have struggled with perfectionism, which I define as the futile yet compulsive attempt to reach perfection, or to cease all activity for fear of never reaching it. Perfectionism both drives us relentlessly and cripples us completely! I have met perfectionists who could do nothing that really mattered, because their fears of failure kept them from action. And I have met perfectionists who push themselves endlessly toward whatever is their current goal in life, so that they exhaust themselves and often those around them.

Living with perfectionism is a nightmare of endless proportions. Because perfection is unobtainable, the proverbial dangling carrot, always temptingly out of reach, one is compelled to keep striving, trying, working, changing, growing, moving and seeking in order to come close to it. The irrational belief tells you that you should be able to reach that carrot; you should be perfect! If only perfection could be reached, then we perfectionists might all take a deep breath, if only for a minute, until the next challenge, the next glaring omission in our life, calls our efforts forth.

But secretly we all know that Perfection does not exist. It is a mirage - a distant falsity that can never be touched. Why do we strive for it. For me personally, because I wanted to be loved. More than anything I wanted to be loved, and somehow, early in my life I made a connection between my worth and this false conception of perfection. If only I was perfect, then I would be lovable. I suspect this essential drive underlies many people's perfectionist strivings.

I have worked a lot on myself in the past 20 years, and have found a place of peace with my inner perfectionist. My strategy, evolved on many therapists couches: I ignore it! Sure, I can see that all that pushing has allowed me to achieve a great deal, and learn many things in my life, so perhaps there have been some benefits. But actually, I am learning more now that I am less hard on myself. Life is a joy rather than a test (a test that can only be failed)!

There is great wisdom in Alice Walkers' words above: We don't expect perfection in nature, and yet it is perfect just as it is. We can choose to adopt this same philosophy for ourselves, as we too are simply an expression of nature. Perfectly Imperfect.

Wisdom No 15

Let go of perfectionist impulses. Allow yourself to be a part of nature. Trust that your peculiarities of body, mind and spirit are just what the planet needs, and then look to where those qualities are needed.

Empty Mind, Empty Heart

2010-06-23T21:18:00.005+10:00

Wisdom No 14

"When your mind is empty of prejudices you can see the Tao. When your heart is empty of desires you can follow the Tao."
From Master Lu Teachings

Desperately seeking...

2010-06-22T20:30:00.003+10:00

"In life you need either inspiration or desperation."
Tony Robbins

Desperation has been given a bad name. I am not sure why or when that happened, but I think its important that we recognise the power of our desperation to put us in touch with and realise our deepest yearnings.

People, especially women are scared to look desperate, especially about relationship. When it comes to love many have been told to act tough and independent, whether single or coupled, as though they do not care; could take love or leave love, when inside they are burning for deep and passionate love.

Others have been taught to act insecure and uncertain, as though they dare not ask for what they want; as though it is offending someone to have longing. Women have been taught to fear their own desires, to be ashamed of them or hide them or override them.

What signal does this send to the world - it says that we do not really care if our yearning for love is realised? And then we wonder why love is not manifesting in our lives the way we want it to! If we can only see that this is because, at least in part, we are too scared to let ourselves and the world know how much we want it! We expect life to read our minds, but our minds are confused.

Now, when I speak of desperation, I am not talking about unconscious throwing yourself at any morsel of love that comes your way. Flirting with the first person who shows you some attention, dubious as that attention may be. And I'm not referring to being needy - where we look to another to fill us up and ignore the work involved in filling up on ourselves.

I am talking about loud, clear and conscious desperation. The kind of desperation that says: I know what I want, and I am sending a strong signal out to the Universe about it. The kind of desperation that says: I am sick of not being met, and I am ready to bring myself fully into the adventure of relationship, with all the joys and challenges that it brings. The kind of desperation that says: My expectations are not too high, but they may be too high for you, so I will search for someone who meets my expectations. The kind of desperation that says: I would rather be alone for the rest of my days that persist with unfulfilling relationships.

This is a strong stance, and possibly not for everyone. But if that is what you are truly yearning for in your heart and soul - then how are you serving yourself to ignore or down-play that truth! And how is the 'other' to find you when you are acting like a person without such a deep yearning. Presumably they will be searching for someone in touch with their yearning and ready to love fiercely.

If you do not recognise yourself, then how do you expect to be recognised?

Wisdom No 13

Inspiration and desperation are integrally linked, together representing the cognitive and emotive expression of our deepest longings and desires. Be fearlessly and consciously desperate for what you really want. Sit deep inside your longing until you are familiar with every part of it. Express your deepest wishes and allow the Universe to answer.

What irritates, transforms

2010-06-21T07:52:00.047+10:00

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
Carl Gustav Jung

In all my years of studying psychology and working on my own self, this has been one of the most helpful insights and the greatest wisdoms. It is powerful, transformative and empowering. When we find ourselves feeling irritated by another, instead of being a victim to feeling annoyed; rather than simply watch and wish that the 'other' would change and be less bothersome - we can take it internally and transform the situation.

Let me give a simple example from my own life. A few years ago, I found myself feeling mightily irritated by everyone driving a massive 4WD in the suburbs of Brisbane, where I lived at the time. Truthfully, they gave me the shits! I would bitch and groan about them constantly, to the point of annoying even myself. oh dear! Anyway, one day, at last, I decided to work on it, using the skills I had learnt through my process-oriented psychology training...

The basic skill set here is to amplify the very thing that is disturbing you, until you understand the essence or deepest energy of that thing/person. Then you find how you can use that energy more in your own life.

So to amplify this situation, I actually pretended to be a 4WD Toyota Prado! And instantly, I felt how amazing it felt to be BIG and to take up space. I felt indestructible. I felt powerful. I could go where I wanted and not be bothered by little bumps in the road. I really enjoyed the sensation of taking up space - which at the time was completely against my way of being. I was more naturally shy, I tended to defer to others, and make sure their needs were taken care of first, and I was still struggling to find my voice and my power in the world.

No wonder I was so annoyed by these cars and their drivers!

I did not need to even ask myself how I could take on the energy of the Prado in my own life - it was obvious! I immediately gave myself permission to take up more space, to say more, to be more, to connect to my personal power more. I decided that every time I felt annoyed by a Prado driver, I would remember to thank them for teaching me how to be bigger.

Now the important thing with this practice is that you need to find the deep energy, or the 'essence' as Mindell calls it. It is about the underlying energy, not the surface level manifestation,as in my example, the lesson was not to go and by a Prado and take up space in that way. But in finding the energy of the thing that annoyed me, I could use that energy in a way that I determined. Because energy is neutral. Energy is Pure. Only people corrupt energy, specifically the ego and pain that people carry around and mistake for their true selves (thanks Eckhart).

For example power is neutral - although many people are disconnected from their power because they were at some point in their lives hurt by someone who was abusive with their power. But power wasn't the problem - power is simply a natural energy that was corrupted and misused.

I often use the example of fire to explain this: Fire can be highly destructive if used unwisely and it can be incredibly supportive if used with care and attention. The same is true with any energy that exists in the universe. So there is nothing to fear in ourselves. If we can be conscious and transform our pain, then we can pick up any energy and use it consciously and lovingly,

Wisdom No 12

Understand yourself more deeply, and access more power and energy through picking up the essence of the things or people that annoy and disturb you!

The World Will Come To You

2010-06-20T07:45:00.000+10:00

There's nothing to do - the world will come to you.

I woke up this morning from a dream with this phrase in my head...i think it's wording is original, although the sentiment is ancient. I like that it rhymes! The phrase taps into the wisdom that when you are on your true path (following the Tao), and have the right intention, then the right opportunities will simply come your way. The ancient Taoists talked of non-doing and effortless action. In common vernacular today, we speak of going with the flow. This is a place where we feel life is just happening with no effort on our part, and yet, as the great book of Taoist philosophy, the Tao Te Ching, articulates "nothing is left undone".

In my own life, I feel this more and more, as I let go of trying to construct my life the way I think it should be, drop expectations of myself and others, bring my awareness into the present, and follow the Tao, the path that has energy in the moment, then there is a sense of everything happening effortlessly and more being accomplished than ever before. Instead of working against the energy of the universe around us, which would be like trying to push over a mountain or change the direction of the ocean swell, we begin to tune into and work with the energy and allow its force to carry us to our destination, as the wind carries a sailing boat. Of course, we can still steer, direct the boat in a general direction, our goals if they are true will be part of the Tao anyway, but me cannot push against the power of the winds and tides and exhaust ourselves, or we can go with them... use them... allow them.

Some might have heard of that video "The Secret", which I confess to not having viewed, but from the reports of trusted friends, I believe says that we can basically manifest anything we want if we set an intention. Please correct me if you gleaned something else from this film! But this seemed to be how people generally responded to it. I want to say that it is not as simple as "you can manifest what you want". In fact I am only realising that it only looks like we have powers of manifestation, but it would be closer to the truth to say that when we are clearly on our path, tuned in to what we are here for, then the world comes to us in an effortless way. It is the Universe that has the endless capacity for creation and manifestation, and to me in this moment it feels a bit egotistic to say that we create. I feel it would be more accurate to say that we allow the creative potential to come through, that we get out of the way of the creative force by tuning into what is waiting to be created, and in this way things of truth are manifested in a miraculous way.

Not everyone can manifest a 6 bedroom house and BMW just by setting an intention for it, and this will be the confusion and the disappointment in video's such as "The Secret". However, we each have a unique journey and purpose while here on this planet, and this purpose can be brought forth in numerous ways, and it is always ready to unfold if we can learn to tap into what our purpose actually is (not what our ego would like it to be). It is like an essence or energy that wants to be lived or realised. The way I have begun to speak of it is that our deep nature wants to find expression through this world.

Wisdom No 11

Through tuning into your true purpose, and through right intention, you can allow the world to bring you everything you need to fulfill your path and purpose in this life. In this way, life will begin to feel effortless and people, events and things will begin to manifest easily to support you on your journey.

The World Mirrors The Self

2010-06-17T22:42:00.006+10:00

My Taoist roots are showing in this ancient wisdom. I love Taoism! It's the only spirituality that makes complete sense to me. I appreciate it may not be for everyone, and that's your prerogative. For me it fits like the proverbial glove. The Taoist's believed in the concept that the inner world is mirrored in the outer world and vice-versa; outer in inner.

I was reminded of this multiple times today; the world we carry around in our inner landscape inevitably reflects the world we find in our outer landscape. I mean that's kind of incredible when you think about it! Because essentially what it means is that we can influence our world situation by changing and evolving at an internal level. This is Ghandi saying "Be the change you want to see in the world". If you want to be treated differently; want a better relationship; more fulfilment in your work; you can start by looking internally and investigating how this outer situation is reflective of your inner psyche. It can be hard to do this alone, so a trusted friend or therapist can be useful here to help see the patterns clearly.

This philosophy is so empowering, because the control is back in your hands. Let me be clear about one very important thing, and I had this discussion the other day with someone, this is not the same as saying we can control all external events, or prevent illness or tragedy. I think the philosphy which says "You haven't evolved enough that's why you have problem X or symptom Y" is incredibly disempowering and only serves to make people feel guilty for finding themselves facing some of the realities of life, like accidents, terminal illness, abusive relationships".

Life is not determined by cause-effect principles alone. Therefore we are not to blame for choosing a partner who turns out to be abusive. But if we identify we are in such a situation, our power to change it may lie in understanding how our inner situation has kept us from leaving. Does the knowledge that we are in an abusive relationship enable us to leave - if not, then it is likely that there is an internal dynamic of inner abuse - a place where we are not loving to ourselves - the abuser is an internal role which we must take on and defeat first!

NB: Arnold Mindell and his process-oriented psychology makes clear this link and has developed some incredible techniques for working with our inner life.

Wisdom No 10

Find methods to evolve your internal environment; if a life situation is bothering you, there may be some inner correlations which can help transform the outer problem.

Finding Wu Wei

2010-06-16T21:38:00.002+10:00

:)

I have to laugh at the timing of setting up this blog...That's right, it was about 10 days before I had to move home and office. Of course it would have been wildly optimistic to imagine that I would be able to keep blogging every day through the adventure that is "Moving House". So my blog went quiet for the past week or so! This was a good lesson in "letting go and going with", tuning into the moment, and following the energy of what is easy. The Taoists call this Wu Wei - it is "the concept of knowing when to act and when not to act" (thank you Wikipdeia). Wu Wei implies that everything has its own timing. That timing is inherent within, not imposed from without. To follow Wu Wei we need to accept that we cannot control everything and just do what we can.

Of course, I could have pressured myself to do it! Reminded myself of my committment to myself, to my readers (none so far :)) etc. I have done this in the past...bullied or belittled myself; criticized and berated myself...the only outcome of this is a lowering of one's self esteem and happiness. So this time, I decided to just let it go and encouraged myself to pick it up again if and when it felt easy.

Just because we start something - does that mean we should finish it? At what cost? Continuing to write because I "should" would have created resentment and bad writing! We are often rigid with ourselves. We have been taught the value of committment to projects and other people - but what about committment to oneself? If you have not got your best interests at heart - then who has?

So here I am blogging again! And despite the title of this blog (which implies a wisdom every day), in actuality, there will be a wisdom every day that Wu Wei allows it!

Wisdom No 9

Forcing oneself to follow through results in nothing more than self-abuse. Trust that what you need is also what is called for in the greater scheme of things and tune into the energy of the moment. Allow yourself the fluidity to change your mind and go against the plan if that's what you believe is required.

What You Focus On Expands

2010-06-05T23:18:00.004+10:00

I can't recall where I first heard this expression but I love it! What we do with our attention, our awareness is so powerful. Where we focus our attention determines what we see, or how we feel and how we act. Mindfulness training uses this principle to help people deal with chronic physical pain. If you have bodily pain and you put your attention on it, the pain will tend to amplify in both intensity and duration. However, if you instead choose to focus your attention somewhere else, the pain will do just the opposite.

The very same principle applies to our emotional pain. And Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now, teaches us to place our attention on our higher self, and divert it from the endless rumbling and groaning of our ego and pain body (worth a read if you haven't yet).

Wisdom No 8

Choose where you focus your attention and make a difference in how you experience your life.

Act Without Hesitation

2010-06-04T22:44:00.001+10:00

Surfing is one of my greatest teachers and I am constantly learning invaluable lessons from my sessions with the ocean. I am returning to surfing after about a 2 year break, and one thing that I am really aware of is the importance of not hesitating when you decide to go for a wave. When you are in the right position and the wave is yours, you must not hesitate for even an instant. Trust your instincts and go for it. If you hesitate the wave will eat you! You will come off, do yourself an injury or even cause an injury to someone else.

This lessons is applicable in all areas of life as well. Just like the ocean, life has energetic waves, whether they are in conversation, relationship, our work life, pursuing our passions and our creativity. I notice that if I have an idea or an impulse to do or say something in my work or personal relationships, but then I hesitate, it is as though I have thrown myself and life a little out of alignment and that I have to work much harder to get the conversation, relationship or situation back on track.

Not hesitating requires trusting oneself, trusting one's reading of the energy of the moment and having the necessary skill to follow through with the required action. In surfing, as in life, we can develop all the skills; listening to our instincts, tuning into the moment, knowing when the wave is ours and of course we can develop the necessary life skills for situations so that we can act with confidence when the time is right.

Wisdom No 7

Cultivate the art of not hesitating. Learn to read the energy of the moment and develop your intention to rise to those moments with all your availale skills and energy.

Listen To Your Body

2010-06-03T17:04:00.003+10:00

Today's post is all about following the wisdom of one's body because the body never lies. It is incapable of telling fibs. If it doesn't want to do something it will let you know in no uncertain terms. Over years of working with people, I have seen the ways that our bodies speak to our true needs and desires. Today my body is telling me it doesn't want to do anything constructive at all, it wants to fluff around, take a nap and maybe read. There's no logic to this necessarily and I could try to over-ride my bodies wisdom. But I am disinclined to ignore it and so I am following it instead. For that reason, my post today is going to be short, because I don't want to be here writing - I want to be warm and cozy under my doona. Just quickly this reminds me of an article I wrote a few years back called "Doona Days" about a company in Melbourne who provided "Doona Days" for all their staff. Unlike the traditional sick day, the concept was to give staff a day or two each year where they could take the day off just to follow their body with no need for a Medical Certificate from their GP. How civilized!!

Practice paying attention to your body language and subtle body signals. When you notice something, say a heaviness in your shoulders or a crick in your neck, tune in more deeply and allow that part of your body to lead your movements. Or you can ask yourself a question and then tune into the overall feeling or energy in your body - does your body say yes or no to your question.

Wisdom No 6

If in doubt, listen to your body - it never lies!

Do What's Fun and Easy

2010-06-02T15:20:00.001+10:00

Doing what is fun and easy has become my personal mantra since about 18 months ago. I had always been someone that knew how to push themselves. I was conscientious and overly responsible. I was hard working and reliable (mostly). These qualities had gained me a lot of success in certain areas of my life...but they didn't help me to really enjoy my life. If I were to summarize the feeling, I would say I was more productive than I was happy. It's not that I was unhappy - I just wasn't prioritizing enjoyment for the sheer sake of it! Life had become a project, a job to be done and to be done well.

Something in this started to get tired soon after moving to Northern NSW. It might have been that it didn't any longer make sense in the context of daily walks at a very secluded beach. It might have been that my body just didn't have the energy to be that hectic anymore. It was also a very conscious decision; a tuning into my body and my needs. And as a Psychologist working with people's processes every day, I knew the connection between continuous 'doing' and experiences such as burnout, chronic fatigue, depression and stress. It didn't take a genius to realise that I too would be heading for this if I didn't change something.

So that's when the experiment began: to only do what is FUN and EASY! I literally decided to ask myself at every juncture: "What feels fun right now?" and I would then do exactly what I felt like doing. I remember one week day where I had some paperwork that was nagging at me, and my overly conscientious self thought it needed doing. But I checked in with myself about what felt like fun in that moment. The answer was to watch a movie. My responsible self hated this answer and tried to guilt me into doing the paperwork. It threw 'Shoulds' and 'Oughts' at me; it called me names like 'Lazy', 'Slack' and 'Useless'. But I was defiant and stuck to my guns. I watched two movies that afternoon, even though it was a beautiful day and my conscientious self thought I should go for a walk.

Eventually, ignoring the voices in my head became easier and I relaxed into doing what was fun. And later that week I did get to that paperwork when I felt like it. I wont say it was fun - but it was easy. And that's why the phrase is "Do what's fun and easy" because some stuff will never be fun, but there will be times where it feels easy to do it. Chores, paperwork, dealing with jobs, bills etc fit into this category for me. So now I try to do them when it feels easy. If it feels hard, I just drop it and ask myself what I feel like doing and then I do that very thing.

The experiment is still going, and unfortunately I cannot tell you that I have managed to do what's fun every moment of every day for the past 18 months. Like anything it takes constant awareness. But its getting easier. And life is feeling a lot more fun and enjoyable. The part of me that didn't know how to relax is getting less insistent. The part of me that wants to play and enjoy life is getting stronger. And I notice that as I change in these ways, not only do I laugh more but I have more energy and my life is starting to resemble something I feel excited about. I am also putting a lot less pressure on those around me and my relationships are more enjoyable, relaxed and loving.

Wisdom No 5

Simply do what feels fun and do things that aren't fun when they feel easy!!

Spend Time With Your Self

2010-06-01T10:05:00.002+10:00

Yesterday I took some much needed 'I' time; that's time with myself to do whatever I feel like doing. As it happens, yesterday I spent my time going surfing and then I read a book for a while. After that I made a yummy lunch and had a rest. Other times I might go to the movies, sleep, lie on the beach, go to a yoga class or do some writing. What you do with your 'I' time is completely up to you...

Spending time with yourself is super important and yet somehow we seem to underestimate its value completely. Life can get so busy and everything but 'little old me' seems like a priority. But consider this: Time alone helps us unwind from our otherwise stressful lives, it allows us to 'check in' with ourselves emotionally and physically. We might use the time to journal or write down our priorities or needs or have quiet reflection or meditation time. We might simply use it to relax, sleep in or rest at length and without interruption.

Taking alone time communicates an appreciation of self; a high self-value, and in doing so it helps to recharge our battery through 'putting some energy back in' rather than always giving energy out to others. Having time alone when you need it means you then have energy available for the other important people and events in your life.

When you are living with your partner or family, it is especially important to make time just for you! If you live alone, you might have plenty of time alone - but perhaps, through having so much, you do not use it effectively. Either way it is important to make a clear choice to spend time with yourself. When I lived alone, I would take myself on dates to the movies, or for a 'coffee' or even for a bike ride or walk. There are so many ways to spend time with yourself! Now I live with my partner and we both respect each others need for time alone; we don't take offense and actually encourage each other to look after our needs in this way.

Wisdom No 4

Set aside time regularly to spend time with your very own self. After all - you are the only person you will spend the rest of your life with - so it's great if you actually enjoy your own company. Spending time alone will almost certainly make you better company for you partner, children, family and friends.

Identity is a Comfort Trap

2010-05-31T09:58:00.004+10:00

As I sit here and eat my eggs this morning, a thought occurs to me: Identity is a trap. It is something we are very attached to and probably cannot imagine living without, especially in Western culture. You might be asking: "What does this even mean? Of course I have an identity; I am such and such, from here or there, and I do this and that." And that's right - this is how we put ourselves in boxes and categories. Our identity makes us feel secure, because we know who we are... And 'knowing who we are' is also the death of freedom, creativity and originality because when we choose certain identifiers, we also exclude others.

I remember a little example of this from my earlier years. A good friend had gone off to study at University, as most of us had at that time. I was living in another town and hadn't seen her for a couple of months and when we spoke next, she informed me that she had dropped out of Uni. She asked me if I was mad at her and I couldn't quite understand what she meant? Why would I be mad? Then I realized that she must be mad at herself - but why? Eventually the answer dawned on me. She was mad at herself for not being who she thought she was going to be, and presumably whom she imagined others wanted or expected her to be!!

Truthfully, and I said this to her, I was happy she was following herself. The same test came for me years later, whilst doing further studies. I felt passionately about my studies and had invested large amounts of personal energy, time and money in them over 10 years. I was coming close to completing this path of study and that felt exciting, however, I had also begun to notice that I felt restricted by the identity and commitments connected to this path of study. This was really curious to me because these studies had taught me so much about freedom and listening to myself - how could this path not feel free to me? It didn't seem to make any sense and there was all the pressure coming from the fact that people expected me to finish, and I expected me to finish, and of course from the amount I had invested up to this point - how could I drop it all so close to the end?

Eventually I chose to conclude my studies, to 'drop out' and to choose what felt true for myself in that moment. The freedom I felt upon quitting was liberating and magical. I suddenly felt more in contact with myself, and my deep nature. I felt my identity was set free from a cage I had been keeping it in, a cage that had once felt warm and supportive, but eventually came to feel restrictive.

The lesson for me in this: that our path and our identity are unpredictable and fluid and we need to constantly update the truth of who we are. It is not 'set in stone', nor does it always make sense to the one in us who is trying to make sense of it all. A life is not always coherent from the point of reference of the one observing. A life twists and turns and flips back on itself. If our identity is not able to move fluidly with these changes, then I think we begin to feel the symptoms, in our lives, in our bodies, and in our relationships.

Many of these ideas were first crystallized for me by the author Arnold Mindell, and I believe he has drawn from similar concepts in Shamanic traditions worldwide. Mindells' ideas are a fresh and much needed perspective in this day and age. Even though I left the training program dedicated to his ideas in my home country, I feel closer than ever to living them authentically in my life. All my teachers have contributed to this, but in actuality, I now trust that my greatest teacher is my own deep nature, my shape shifting and ever evolving SELF.

Wisdom No 3

Just because you have landed upon a particular path in life or decided upon a particular identity, do not hold yourself to it. Allow yourself the freedom to experiment with your identity and your life path in any way you choose; do not assume that you know who you are or who you should be. Ask instead: Who does the world want me to be in this moment? And what does the world want from my life right now? Keep asking yourself these questions, following the answers and then be surprised at where your own path goes when it is allowed the freedom to roam.

Right that's it from me - I'm going surfing :)

The Wisdom of Being Selfish

2010-05-30T13:03:00.004+10:00

This wisdom has been one learned by me through a life of doing just the opposite. I have been, for most of my life, a total "people pleaser"; living my life according to what I thought others wanted or needed. In pleasing others, my hope was that I would gain love, respect, friendship, or appreciation. I hoped that if I could achieve this then I would be happy. Years using this model never brought me even the slightest bit closer to happiness! In fact, I created only misery, resentment, anger, bitterness and pain by placing my needs and desires in the background of the 'apparent' needs and desires of others.

I would say yes to relationships and events that really did not feel right for me, and in doing so I created pain and misery for myself and others. The unfortunate result of saying yes when I really meant no is that I would constantly want to break commitments, or develop silent brooding resentments, and I'd give numerous double signals, confusing everyone including myself.

In recent years, I have realised that it is actually impossible to make another human being happy; it is only possible to make one's own life happy. And if we are successful at reaching an inner state of contentment or bliss well, we may just radiate some of that happiness outward, and then others, noticing our obvious happiness and wanting some for themselves, may begin to make choices that lead to their own moments of happiness.

Answering the call of Obligation is not a winner! It is a lie brought to life in action. It can only create pain. Braving the call to follow in every moment your deepest needs and wants, to attempt to be ever present to you inner truth and to bring this fearlessly into relationship and the world, will only increase everyone's chances of finding happiness through aligning with their real path.

Whenever this topic comes up, I can feel people's fears instantly surface: "Who will love me?" "What will people think of me?" "What if following what I want leads to murdering or stealing?" "Who will take care of my children?"

People equate selfishness with evil and wrong doing! These fears are deep-seated and completely unquestioned by most everyone I meet...especially women! Giving yourself permission to be selfish, is not the same as giving yourself permission to do anything you want to other people, animals or objects!! ANY action involving another sentient being requires consent and care for the other.

But if you look deep in your heart and you feel, for example, that you just want a week without the kids; that you need this to stay sane or stay loving, then your act of selfishness is also caring for the highest needs of all involved. If you run out the door without considering the impact on your children and partner, of course there will be consequences. This is not what I mean. But if you plan your escape, arrange for the kids to be cared for by others, and take your week out with your self...how do you imagine you would return to your family after that week out? Calmer, more loving, more vibrant??? yes, I think so! And by taking your own needs seriously, you also role model for your children the art of self care; you teach your children to be responsible for their own happiness. And just as we have spoken about here, it is important that selfishness is matched with attention to those whom it affects.

When we truly give ourselves permission to follow our own needs, the supportive and respectful internal environment we create actually then becomes reflected in how we treat others. We support them in their needs, we don't nag them or manipulate them and we respectfully inform them of our own needs and wants. They in turn are likely to feel supported and then are instantly more likely to support us in meeting our needs and wants too! Its a happy cycle. No-one loses. Everyone wins!

Wisdom No 2

Do only those things that you actually want to do in life; please only yourself and allow other people to please themselves. In fact, encourage everyone in your life to please themselves. Take responsibility for your own choices and your own truth.

Welcome Wisdom

2010-05-29T00:52:00.006+10:00

Welcome to my blog "365 Days of Collected Wisdom".

It's very late Friday night or early Saturday morning. I am unable to sleep and have been thinking about starting a blog, primarily as an outlet for the thoughts that accumulate in my head.

My intention is to share a new "collected wisdom" every day for the next year. I call them collected wisdoms because the ideas I will share here have been collected by me through my life up to this point. Some have been handed down by my various life teachers, and some have popped out of my own mouth before I knew what I was saying. Others are collective wisdom, familiar advice handed down from generation to generation. If I can reference an author I will do so. If readers can assist me in referencing the author of any idea contained here, I will happily acknowledge it.

I don't claim that much here is original to me; even the thoughts I heard first from my own mouth feel more like 'Universal Truths' that I have somehow channelled in a special moment of clarity, and I can almost feel the minds of past sages wrapped around the words. Mostly I hope you enjoy these posts, that they inspire you on your journey, and that you spread the word about anything that speaks to you in this blog... After all, wisdom is without purpose if it is not shared :) I have no idea whether I can come up with a whole year of wisdom, but it seemed like a good challenge and a way to give this blog some focus and purpose. I guess we shall see how I go! Anyway let's get started:

Wisdom No 1

True wisdom belongs to no-one and everyone; wisdom is a collective phenomenon, arising from the sheer volume of repeated human experience (our successes and our mistakes) around the world and throughout the history of our time on the planet.