Identity is a Comfort Trap

As I sit here and eat my eggs this morning, a thought occurs to me: Identity is a trap. It is something we are very attached to and probably cannot imagine living without, especially in Western culture. You might be asking: "What does this even mean? Of course I have an identity; I am such and such, from here or there, and I do this and that." And that's right - this is how we put ourselves in boxes and categories. Our identity makes us feel secure, because we know who we are... And 'knowing who we are' is also the death of freedom, creativity and originality because when we choose certain identifiers, we also exclude others.

I remember a little example of this from my earlier years. A good friend had gone off to study at University, as most of us had at that time. I was living in another town and hadn't seen her for a couple of months and when we spoke next, she informed me that she had dropped out of Uni. She asked me if I was mad at her and I couldn't quite understand what she meant? Why would I be mad? Then I realized that she must be mad at herself - but why? Eventually the answer dawned on me. She was mad at herself for not being who she thought she was going to be, and presumably whom she imagined others wanted or expected her to be!!

Truthfully, and I said this to her, I was happy she was following herself. The same test came for me years later, whilst doing further studies. I felt passionately about my studies and had invested large amounts of personal energy, time and money in them over 10 years. I was coming close to completing this path of study and that felt exciting, however, I had also begun to notice that I felt restricted by the identity and commitments connected to this path of study. This was really curious to me because these studies had taught me so much about freedom and listening to myself - how could this path not feel free to me? It didn't seem to make any sense and there was all the pressure coming from the fact that people expected me to finish, and I expected me to finish, and of course from the amount I had invested up to this point - how could I drop it all so close to the end?

Eventually I chose to conclude my studies, to 'drop out' and to choose what felt true for myself in that moment. The freedom I felt upon quitting was liberating and magical. I suddenly felt more in contact with myself, and my deep nature. I felt my identity was set free from a cage I had been keeping it in, a cage that had once felt warm and supportive, but eventually came to feel restrictive.

The lesson for me in this: that our path and our identity are unpredictable and fluid and we need to constantly update the truth of who we are. It is not 'set in stone', nor does it always make sense to the one in us who is trying to make sense of it all. A life is not always coherent from the point of reference of the one observing. A life twists and turns and flips back on itself. If our identity is not able to move fluidly with these changes, then I think we begin to feel the symptoms, in our lives, in our bodies, and in our relationships.

Many of these ideas were first crystallized for me by the author Arnold Mindell, and I believe he has drawn from similar concepts in Shamanic traditions worldwide. Mindells' ideas are a fresh and much needed perspective in this day and age. Even though I left the training program dedicated to his ideas in my home country, I feel closer than ever to living them authentically in my life. All my teachers have contributed to this, but in actuality, I now trust that my greatest teacher is my own deep nature, my shape shifting and ever evolving SELF.

Wisdom No 3

Just because you have landed upon a particular path in life or decided upon a particular identity, do not hold yourself to it. Allow yourself the freedom to experiment with your identity and your life path in any way you choose; do not assume that you know who you are or who you should be. Ask instead: Who does the world want me to be in this moment? And what does the world want from my life right now? Keep asking yourself these questions, following the answers and then be surprised at where your own path goes when it is allowed the freedom to roam.

Right that's it from me - I'm going surfing :)